The Journey

We live in a world of cycles. Time opens the cycles into spirals. Perpetual motion, perpetual song. To break a cycle is to shift dimensions: step onto a new plane and see where that spiral takes you.

I’ve always had an urge to share myself in a way that deeply effects others. I see the way art can flow from my fingers, and I’ve been honing those intuitive skills for a long time. For this Substack, I’ve been waiting for something in me to say, “Okay, now is the time to start!” A moment of creative clarity where I see the pristine outline of what I’ll write. But, you know what they say about projects and the present. My intuition has been ready, I just have to begin.

To begin a new cycle is to break an old one. Sometimes, it truly feels like a break: the tower crumbles in a flash of lightning and you find yourself in the ruins of what once was. I had a tower moment like this in December of 2022, just over a year ago. It was one of those events - perhaps 30 minutes of time - that collapse your heart in a way that you know it’ll never be the same. I don’t have to tell you about what happened because I know you’ve had things like this happen in your life as well.

What follows the tower is the star. You look around and see you have a lot of work to do, a lot to process. This is a moment of being alive, of surviving devastation. After my tower crumbled, I decided to burn everything in sight. I couldn’t stand the look of the rubble and I wanted to take back control of something. I sat in my room and I burned note after note, rose petal after rose petal. I said every incantation I could to rid myself of the pain that felt never ending. I was reckless and sloppy, and I knew it was burning for the sake of feeling in control of a fire.

The beauty of the star is that it is you being led by the reflection of the light that shines on you. You become the source of clarity, and the landscape illuminates because you are alight. Where does this light come from? The loving song of family and friends, the glow of those who came before you. Only you can find the specifics. After I burned and burned, I realized how much energy I was consuming and how many resources I was sacrificing. Fire is a mouth to feed. I clasped my hands and shifted my intention to the soil.

Many cycles in this life include fire. Prairies burn to bring nutrients back into the soil for the next life. Although I used more resources than necessary, I looked around what used to be rubble and saw warm dirt. I closed my eyes and turned back to water, sinking into warm baths once more.

Now, a year later, I feel another cycle beginning.

Featured photo by Mohdammed Ali on Unsplash