Six Months Sober

Life in a new worldview.

Before I can tell you about being six months sober, I have to define my sobriety. You can be in a room full of sober people, and not all of them are sober in the same ways. Some people define “sober” as an abstinence from all mind-altering or intoxicating substances (also known as being “straight edge”). You also have “California sober” - those who don’t drink but do smoke weed, or “Oregon sober” - those who don’t drink but do eat psychedelic mushrooms. There are people who are sober from one addictive drug, and are managing that addiction with a different substance. I am not here to gatekeep anyone’s sobriety, but it does make it impossible to assume you know what I mean when I say, “I am six months sober.”

I meet sobriety as a philosophy, even a worldview. It is a type of orientation towards a state of being. My sobriety started as an act of solidarity, to support a loved one coming to terms with their alcoholism and quitting my drinking alongside them. Although it was relatively easy for me, there were moments of surprise, like noticing when I was craving alcohol in social settings and figuring out what to order at bars so I could feel included and have something to do with my hands. I can now say I haven’t been drunk in over six months, which is pretty huge! I will have tastes of friends’ alcoholic beverages if they’re drinking but, if I’m being honest, I think NA beers taste better than alcoholic beer. My sobriety from alcohol does allow sips and tastes, and if there is something large to celebrate, I’ll have a champagne or fancy cocktail. Otherwise, I don’t drink alcohol, even when it’s free.

Once I stopped drinking alcohol, my relationship with all other substances shifted. I noticed a general preference for staying sober, of pausing before eating the edible on a whim, and then deciding not to. I started to feel more embodied, and lighter in my body. I also came to terms with how detrimental social media is to my well-being. Starting in July, I logged out of Instagram and deleted the app off my phone. I had already left Twitter a month or two prior, so this was the last social media that I was impulsively using. Abstaining from social media has probably created one of the most positive shifts in my mental health since I started depression medication and EMDR therapy. The daily symptoms of my anxiety disorders have largely disappeared. In fact, I was able to stop taking my antidepressants after working with my doctor to wean off of them. I wouldn’t completely attribute this to sobriety, but I see my sobriety as an aspect of the years of work I’ve been doing that has allowed me to no longer need antidepressants.

It’s amazing the things you’ll get drunk on once you stop drinking alcohol. I was dancing in crowds watching Childish Gambino, Porter Robinson, and STRFKR play music I’ve been listening to since 2016, feeling elated. I smell the late-summer flowers on the breeze and it opens a deep sense of joy and remembrance. I bike 5 miles up a huge hill to my partner’s house and feel powerful. I travel to visit friends in other cities and unwind with the slow movement of time spent with them. I’ve written before about how being sober is a form of generational healing for me, and that feeling has only increased. I know that my family is proud of me, and I can access that feeling in a deeper way. I can access all of my feelings in a deeper way.

STRFKR on stage at the most recent concert I’ve been to. Seeing live music is one of my favorite things to do.

I’ve been connecting with other people my age who are sober. My new friend E and I went to a rave and danced sober for hours. I ran into a sober colleague at an event and they recommended an NA beer to me, which I bought and enjoyed. I’m finding a new sense of solidarity with people who are sober, and appreciating the community that exists here. I give more space and grace to people who are drinking in my presence, and notice the way conversation feels different the longer the night goes on. I feel sure and aware of my surroundings in a way I didn’t before. I am grateful for all of these things. I enjoy being welcomed in non-sober spaces as a sober person, and I am excited when I’m not the only sober person in the room. I’ve also noticed an increase in NA options at bars and restaurants which helps sobriety feel more accessible. It makes me hopeful that others will feel supported as they welcome sobriety into their lives too.

Being sober has opened space for being more intentional with the things I consume and the ways I spend my time. I feel clearer in every decision that I make, even when that decision does involve substances. I want people to know that sobriety doesn’t have to be about never drinking or doing drugs ever again, but rather opening more space to say, “No, that’s not what I want or need right now.” To me, sobriety is a means of taking pause to make gentle decisions that support my body’s desires. It’s recognizing my cravings and assessing them from a place of non-judgement and love. Sobriety is a worldview more than a state of being, and it’s a worldview I have come to admire within myself. I can now say I’ve been sober for six months, and I am proud of myself and delighted at what I’ve learned.